Friends Who Punk Out on Friends
Life lesson #1,303 Don’t Punk Out on Friends (Especially for a Girl)
I am by no means a smart man, but I have learned a few things in my life and one of them is friends come first. It took a smartass comment from a friend of mine to open my eyes but it made me realize how important friends are. Back in 1999, 4 of my friends and I packed into a VW Jetta and drove across country. Somewhere around Texas my friend Nate said something to me that I will never forget. We were no doubt bitching about something stupid when he said “Why do you always just think about yourself?” I never responded nor acknowledge that I heard it but that one sentence changed my way of thinking.
With 5 200lb guys slammed into a Jetta you don’t get much time for reflecting but I managed to isolate myself and think about that statement and it was right. I couldn’t believe it, for 21 years of my life I was an asshole! Thinking about myself 1st and everyone else second, its hard to believe I even had these friends to drive from LA to Raleigh with. I want to go back an apologize to a lot of people, especially ex-girlfriends, some a lot more than others.
I vowed to myself in my mind to change and I believe I have done so successfully. Those who know me, know my friends come first and that when I commit to them you can take it to the bank that I’ll be there for them. As it should be, my friends come first and that will never change.
The reason I’m writing this is because I have a fairly immature friend who, when asked to do something said “Pencil Me In.” To me that means I’m there but to him it apparently means don’t count on it. The whole pencil and eraser thing, yea I get it, it just doesn’t make sense to me. Things come up and inevitably everyone has to change plans once and a while but usually its work or family related and that is understandable. Never would I diss my friends and say “I’m going to meet this girl for a beer.” She would have to be Kathy Ireland or Scarlett Johannson for me to even think about decommitting to my friends. That’s a punk move. The worst part about it is, the person doesn’t bring this up to you unless you ask “are you still in?” The fact that I have to ask if they are still committed should have clicked something in my head. . The phrase “Bros before Hoes” doesn’t exist because it rhymes it actually has some merritt. Girls come and go but your friends will remain constant.
When I have a kid, the one thing I am going to make sure they know is Life lesson #1,303: Follow your dreams and take care of your friends. Maybe Brent will add that to his parenting tips
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10 Responses to “Friends Who Punk Out on Friends”
In my experience, the same guys who punk out on their friend BEFORE they get married are the same ones that, once married, are shopping for curtains while everyone else is watching the game at a bar.
It’s the circle of life.
You are exactly right, I hate that I left that point out.
Yeah, you might want to re-evaluate how good of a friend he is to you, or how good of a friend he would be to anybody, if he alters his plans for a girl.
If he commits to something, it’s totally not cool to cancel it just because “something he wants to do more came up”.
good call Zhao.
I’m glad im not the only one who thinks “Pencil Me in” means im In.
Now come on…i know you guys aren’t that naive..let me remind you of the reason boys do this…and i’m pretty sure you’ve all done it at least once in your lives…SEX! Your guy friend doesn’t want it from you
If a guy is having to work that hard for sex, he needs to re-evaluate his whole approach to life.
i need to re-post my 3 step formula to getting in a girl’s pantalones.
if it’s a first date then he is a bit of a punk. Something that’s been going on longer then got to give him a little slack. Consistent cancellations aren’t good either.
Pencil me in means just that and shopping for curtains[ if she wants u there] may mean a better relationship and being involved with her instead of coahes, games and sports which change .
Hopefully she’ll remain constant.
Friends are important but not number one and real friends know that .
^a wife or serious girlfriend is different. A random girl to get a beer with is not more important then friends and probably wont be there in a month
I have to agree with anonymous. If your only point is about this guy who apparently took his one-month fling out to a bar instead of being with friends - yes, that’s wrong.
But there’s a difference between being selfish and putting yourself first. I think you should always put yourself first. How can you “take on the world” or treat others positively if you are feeling depressed, tired, upset… whatever. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be the best possible friend.
Good luck!